You Let Go

A fae prince, you

found me, wandering alone,

lost in a dark wood.

I stood surrounded on all sides

by gnarled and grimacing demons,

their malice clear,

ready to devour me if they could.

 

You took my hand

and twirled me round and round,

into the heart of your charmed land,

dancing, feasting, jewels and glitter.

Glamoured, the fantasy sparkling

as we danced our dream into being,

the world’s greatest secret

woven into reality with nothing but words,

so quietly.

 

You and I,

our little game,

two imps, childlike, playing

at love,

never knowing

we would never be the same.

 

Then you soon realized why,

why it was I was lost in that dark wood,

alone and confused,

bleeding from deep, festering wounds

that refused to heal.

 

You watched the storms come for me,

great waves of icy shadows

washing over my pale body

trembling.

Drowning, I struggling to breathe.

 

You took my hand,

and promised to never let go.

My fae prince, with the world at his knees,

held me close,

with a tenderness I could not believe,

could never imagine that it truly belonged to me.

 

You took my hand,

and promised to never let go,

to never let my head dip below

into the sticky, slowly swirling waters of the abyss,

sucking me inexorably

into the Void,

where light long ago ceased to exist.

 

You saw me struggle to stay afloat,

trying just to keep my head above water,

one feeble stroke after another,

to make it back to shore.

You held my hand, you crafted the boat,

and lifted me up,

one hand after the other.

 

You held on,

and each time, the wave receded,

and, for a time, the icy waters were forgotten.

So, we returned to our dance,

Sublime, we danced, playing,

imps with mischief in our eyes

sparking fires

the whole world could see,

and slowly, over many years,

the storms eased,

and the waves began to recede.

 

I grew stronger,

my stroke sure,

I learned to swim,

and the water grew pure.

I became the fish I was always meant to be.

I learned what the storms had come to teach me.

 

And you watched as I swam new seas,

discovering radiant realities buried deep

in the folds of our being.

I had discovered new worlds,

even, perhaps, catching a glimpse of the most spectacular Reality,

and I said, “swim with me, join me in the deep!”

 

But you wouldn’t come.

You refused to join me,

preferring the glitter and glamour of the parties,

the feasting, the beautiful fae princesses and queens.

 

And I,

released from the chains of the storms and waves,

was ready to brave being free.

And you,

you held my hand,

and promised to never let go.

My fae prince, with the world at his knees,

held me close,

giving me a love I had never known,

with a tenderness I could not believe,

though you tried and tried to let me know.

 

It never occurred to me that it was me that you need.

My fae prince, with the world on its knees,

how could you need me?

So I begged and I pleaded,

“Please!

Let me go!

If you won’t join me in the caves of wonder,

filled with the rarest jewels, glowing.

Let me go!”

 

But you always said no.

I said, “Don’t you see?

I don’t believe!

I don’t belong in your world of fairy princesses and queens,

silk dresses and sharp gems, glittering.”

Because how could I believe a simple fish like me,

meant for diving into the most hidden depths of the deep,

could belong in world so fancy,

that if the truth were known

these princesses and queens

would die laughing.

 

And so I pleaded and pleaded,

ignoring your pleas.

I couldn’t hear you when you cried,

“Don’t leave!”

I never thought,

I could never let myself believe,

that you also needed me.

And I thought to myself, always,

Especially when I would almost start to believe the dream,

“Don’t be silly!

Why me?

It simply could never be.

That could never be my reality.

It’s no more than a fae fantasy,

a glamour I’ve been tricked into believing!”

 

So after years of my pleading,

 

you let go.

 

And now,

I’m alone.

And I’m afraid I’ve made my greatest mistake,

but,

I’ll never know.

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