Poem Day 6: Belonging

Day 6: Belonging

Walking imperfectly through this perfect life,
where am I going?
It’s almost time for me to leave.
Caught in the vortex, unending.
Everything is the same,
everyday.
I must be brave,
and let go of the pattern, unchanging
each day,
only shifts in intensities
of the same old hues and shades.

What am I looking for?
My soil,
to take root.
Do I need high acidity
and more clay,
or sweet,
rich with dead life,
and easily drains?

I look in the mirror.
Who am I?
My skin around my eyes cracks and sags,
showing her longing to reach back into the earth,
to rest in peace.
Everyday I watch as my life flickers
and everyday a little light fades.

I lean far out the window of my room
of the Buddhist temple where I stay
until I’m ready to be on my way,
and I take a single, long drag
on this joint a guy gave
because he wants my body
to taste,
this beautiful living corpse
made of blood and clay.

A sinner,
I’m heading to the grave.
But every turn I take
another shiny, smiling face.
I love this place,
but I have to leave.
I love them all,
but they want too much from me,
and I would give it all.
I have to leave,
so there’s some left over for me.

And God, they can’t see.
So they don’t know why I live,
why I breathe.
They don’t really know me.

Where do I belong?
In this place?
I’m looking for the Rainbow,
every hue & shade of the Face,
learning to love it all,
Al-Jamaal and Al-Jalaal
Shadow and Light,
Night and Day,
But I need to leave now
and I must be brave,
because I’m searching for where I belong.
I’m heading back to my grave.

 

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